After more than 20 years in college enrollment, including several as a Vice President, I thought helping my firstborn child choose a college would be second nature. Turns out, I was wrong.
Parenting constantly reshapes your expectations and forces you to make challenging decisions. Walking with my child through the college selection process was no different. Despite my professional experience, being on the other side as a parent revealed how complex and emotionally charged this process is. It also highlighted three major disconnects in how institutions serve families:
- Curse of Knowledge: Admissions professionals know their processes, deadlines, and jargon so well that they forget how confusing it can be for families. What’s second nature to you is a maze for us.
- Tuition Remission Blind Spots: Working in higher education creates a subtle but profound disconnect from the real financial impact families face. While you might understand the numbers, the emotional weight of paying for college feels different on the outside.
- Faux Empathy: True empathy requires walking in a family’s shoes. When processes are clunky or communication is lacking, it’s clear some institutions don’t fully understand the challenges families face. Ask yourself, “What does it feel like to be on the other side of us?”
As admissions professionals, you aren’t just promoting your institution—you should be helping make this difficult decision easier for families. Addressing these disconnects can make all the difference in how parents perceive your school.
Reflecting on this process with our son gave me fresh eyes, exposing five surprising realities.
- Impersonal communication was barely better than none at all: Simply having a parent communication sequence is not enough; personalization is the game changer. Schools that took the time to address me directly, as a parent, had a tenfold impact compared to those that didn’t. Generic emails or parent newsletters don’t build trust–they merely inform. CCs are fine but genuine “see me” communication, where the institution connected with me as a parent, made a big difference. Families want to feel like partners, not passive recipients.
Key Question: What is your communication revealing to students and families about your brand?
- Visits were often a missed opportunity: Institutions invest significant resources to get and host visitors on their campuses, yet many visits fall flat. When parents visit, they’re evaluating not only the campus but whether they can trust you with their most prized possessions—their children. It’s crucial to deliver a visit that has both personality and heart.
Details, such as poor communication before the visit, or a lackluster tour experience, can turn families off. One visit we took featured limited pre-visit communication and a two-hour tour without lunch—a hangry visitor rarely leaves with a great impression. The visit left us frustrated, and yet, a stellar faculty interaction nearly saved it all. This professor asked personal questions, gave my son career insights, and introduced him to students, completely transforming his perception of the school.
Key Questions: Are your visits truly differentiating your institution? Do they reflect the care you want families to feel?
- Affordability was more stressful than you realize: Affordability looms large for families, even those who can afford tuition. Colleges sometimes forget that building shiny new facilities or launching programs don’t necessarily equate to value for families. This repeatedly happened in my son’s search.
This is where you must understand the value equation: the perception of benefits to students divided by the cost to students (perceived and actual). If costs are high without a correspondingly strong perception of benefits, families will quickly question whether your institution is worth the price.
Key Question: How is your admissions experience affecting the perceived value of your institution?
- Direct mail was effective but mostly underwhelming: Direct mail is expensive, yet often fails to leave a lasting impression. Our mailbox received plenty of it, but only a few pieces stood out. The schools that did it right consistently and frequently communicated a message that aligned with their distinct brand. Most of the mail we received, however, was simply glossy marketing.
One school set itself apart by sending a parent package that highlighted its educational philosophy and core values uniquely. Consistency across all communication made their institution memorable and helped establish trust. Targeted, meaningful communication can set you apart. Make sure your direct mail reflects your brand promise (assuming you have one) and speaks specifically to your target students and their families.
Key Question: Is your mail making you money or just costing you?
- Sometimes the small stuff felt huge: As families narrow their choices, even small missteps can have a big impact. These often show up as offices outside of admissions communicate with students. During one on-campus presentation, a speaker noted that expensive bikes frequently get stolen and that the weather can be a struggle for some students. In another instance, late communication about course fees (a.k.a. the Spirit Airlines of higher education) nearly derailed one of our finalist schools. As a parent trying to calculate costs, unexpected expenses—on top of tuition—added a layer of stress that could easily have been avoided. These small moments can erode confidence, and as Vince Lombardi said, “It takes months to find a customer, seconds to lose one.”
And consider this, you can’t charge like Nordstrom and function like Ross Dress for Less—experience matters.
Key Question: What small things, within your control, are costing you students?
How can you address these gaps and improve the admission experience for families? You could take a “wait-and-see” approach, hoping things will improve on their own—but that’s not a strategy. True strategy involves making intentional, differentiated choices that align with the needs of the families you serve.
Here’s how you can shift your mindset and approach these challenges with fresh eyes:
- Think, and feel, like an Outsider – Empathy must be your starting point. To truly connect with families, put yourself in their shoes. It’s easy to overlook how your internal biases—the “curse of knowledge”—skew your perspective. As Paul MacCready famously said, “The problem is we don’t understand the problem.” The goal isn’t to solve your institution’s issues—it’s to address the students’ and families’ needs.
- Walk like an Outsider – Take the student journey yourself. When was the last time your leadership team took a campus tour, signed up for an event, or evaluated how your direct mail looks upon arrival? Walk through each step of the admission process and map out the emotional highs and lows students and parents experience. Identify the areas where you can improve the experience.
- Partner with an Outsider – You’re often too close to the problem to see it clearly. Bringing in an outsider can provide fresh insights and help you identify blind spots. Whether you connect with K-12 counselors in your area or bring in external consultants, outside perspectives are invaluable in identifying gaps. No matter how polished your sales pitch and marketing materials are, they won’t drive results if you don’t address the underlying issues impacting prospective students.
At the end of the day, choosing a college is a human endeavor. Families need you to help make a difficult decision easier for them. Addressing these key areas will not only build trust but also help you differentiate your institution in a crowded market. The schools that truly understood and acted on these insights were the ones that stood out when my son made his final decision.
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To gain immediate and actionable insights from proven Christian higher education experts, partner with TG Three on a Needs Assessment. This is an affordable way to get fresh eyes quickly. Contact us today!
–Ryan J. Dougherty is the Principal Partner at TG Three with over 24 years of experience. TG Three is a strategy company exclusively serving Christian institutions to help get them from where they are to where they want to be.
A version of this article was originally published on Insider Higher Ed on October 7, 2024.